- Persephone: I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.
- Demeter: I know this, and I love you.
- Persephone: *phone rings*
- Dionysus: *Looks over* Oh, wow. You still call your father ‘daddy’? Aren’t you a bit old for that?
- Persephone: *answers the phone, making eye contact with Dionysus* Hey, Hades.
- Dionysus: *chokes*
gods as boy scout leaders
- zeus: let's strike down entire cities using our lightning bolts
- boys: but-
- zeus: oh wait i forgot YOU aren't COOL ENOUGH to get lightning bolts beat that NERDS
- -
- ares: do u even lift bruh
- boy: i am 8 years old
- ares: yeah well i was doing 100 push-ups at age 4 so
- -
- hermes: ok so now you know how to successfully pick-pocket people. go out into the world, my children.
- hermes: *notices his wallet is gone and tears up* i'm so proud
- -
- apollon: ready to become the next shakespeare
- boy: shakespeare is gay
- apollon: YEAH WELL YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS GAY? MY BOYFRIEND. HE AND SHAKESPEARE ARE BOTH DEAD.
- -
- dionysus: so does anyone want to know how the first dildo was created
- boys: UM
- dionysus: so as i was tripping balls on my way to the underworld, along comes this guy and he's like-
- -
- hephaistos: okay now quickly lower the molten hot glass into the water
- boy: *SCREAMS IN AGONY*
- hephaistos: honestly how do you even fuck that up
- -
- hades: pet the puppy ok.
- boy: but it has three heads
- hades: *squints*
- hades: i knew i didn't like you
- hades: take him away thanatos
- Zeus: Son, the world doesn't revolve around you
- Apollo: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- Athena: hey dad why do you turn into animals 90% of the time when you hook up with mortals
- Zeus: this is kinkshaming and it needs to stop
FRIENDS SENTENCE STARTERS
- We were on a break!
- Maybe you need sex. I just had it a few days ago.
- I wouldn't say no to that.
- Well you should meet my uncle, Bada.
- I'll let myself out.
- How you doin'?
- I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
- If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
- We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
- You gotta find out if he's in the same place you are. Otherwise, it's just a moo point.
- Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.
- Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?
- Oh... my... God!
- No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.
- You wanted it to be a surprise.
- In all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best...
- There's a reason why girls don't do this.
- Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Will you marry me?
- I'M FREE. I AM FREE.
- If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
- Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
- Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!
- I'm [name]. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there.
- I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.
- Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way.
- We could eat the wax. It's organic.
- I don't want my baby's first words to be "How You Doing"
- I'm [name]. I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films.
- Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you. Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
- Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children... The personal ad writes itself.
- I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals.
- All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference.
- My wife's a lesbian.
- You don't like the game, because you suck at it.
- I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck.
- What would you do if you were omnipotent?
- It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it.
- I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me.
- I'm going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?
- You are not gonna believe what I did today.
- Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge.
- No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work!
- Oh, it's mine. I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up... and now I wish I was dead.
- Well I've had the same walk since high school and you know how when a guy walks into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk.
- Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
- What? Because that's your answer to everything?
- Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER.
- I don't get it. Why can't we use the same toothbrush? We use the same soap.
- That's different. The toothbrush has been in my mouth.
- OK. But next time you're in the shower, think of the first place you're washing, and the last place I washed.
- I'm a doctor, not a mathematician.
- It's an electric drill! You get me, you kill me!
- I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y... I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?
- C'mon man, just take 'em off, just take 'em off and we'll have some fun.
- You're not gonna try and make me join a cult are you?
- Charlotte? You know, with the web? She has babies, then she dies. It's like, "Hey, mom, welcome home from the hospital." THUD.
- A no sex pact! I have one of those with every woman in America!
- I know you didn't ask but no-one had spoken for fourteen minutes.
- Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.
- Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
- And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?
- Okay, no uterus, no opinion.
- Well, this is like summer in a bowl!
- Could you close that window? My nipples could cut glass over here.
- I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
- Heh. Let me get this straight. He got you to *beg* to sleep with him. He got you to say he *never* has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a *great* idea?
- Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river.
- Fine. No one ever listens to me. If the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
- Oh, look. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his Christmas tree. Wow, you should see the size of his Christmas balls.
- Did you actually interview her before you asked her to move in?
- Come on. I am here to take care of you. What do you need? Anything.
- Could we BE more white trash?
- Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
- Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches.
- I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty girl with an ass that won't quit.
- I hate his underwear. one time I brought a pair marked XS and let me tell you there's no room for anything excess in there.
- I thought it'd be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts... turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.
- I'm not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he's divorced.
- No, you go after them five minutes before they get married...Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.
- Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
- You two were having sex.
- Oh! What's it the anniversary of? Your first date? Your first kiss? The first time you had sex?
- All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
- Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind.
- Hey buddy, this is a family place. Put the mouse back in the house.
- She's so great. She kisses like my mom cooks.
- It was 5: 30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages - front and back!
- I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
- Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
- Well, I don't know what Big Leon told you but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night.
- Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it.
- Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster.
- Ooh, I'm a man. Ooh, I have a penis. Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women.
- I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees.
- Well, I'm a pacifist. But, when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you. Except for you.
- Okay, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in the shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
- I did break up with her. She just took it really, really well.
- When did you start crapping money?
- Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night. Where exactly were you around ten-ish?
- No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
- Goodbye, you fruit drying psychopath.
- Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part... or Italy called and said it was hungry.
say a prayer
1. This is a private blog. That means I will only roleplay with mutuals. This is just to keep me sane. Please don’ take it personally.
2. Please don’t godmod. That’s just basic rp etiquette. I might go to you and ask that you change your reply if you godmod. I might not. You should know what’s god modding and what’s not. Look it up on urban dictionary if you want.
3. I will be extremely selective with who I smut, if I smut. I am of age. Persephone is a married goddess with an active sex life; likelier than not, there will be smut reblogged. It will be tagged 💀. ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ ᴅᴏᴏʀs ; ( 🌸 nsfw. ) to keep certain blogs away. That being said, there might be triggers on this blog. Persephone is a goddess, and one that is feared and for a reason. She is not afraid to spill blood. I will tag accordingly. If you need anything tagged, please tell me. I am always more than happy to do so.
4. Please don’t reblog asks with a response. Like, go ahead and reblog the ask, no problem. Just don’t add a reply while reblogging. This goes only for actual ask posts. Nowadays, since tumblr loves to fuck up the formatting in asks, I tend to answer IC questions in their own post. Feel free to continue those if you'd like!
5. I do not RP with, or follow, duplicats. This means that if you are a Persephone blog (or a multimuse with Persephone as one of those muses), I will not follow. It's a self-esteem thing. Thank you for understanding. However, if you are a Greek god multimuse, there's a nine out of ten chance I do want to write with one of your muses, and just refuse to follow because of the Persephone. Feel free to like starter calls and whatnot if this is the case.
6. Do not underestimate Persephone. She is a goddess. Unless your muse is also a god, she is stronger than your muse. I will contact you before she does something violent to your muse, that way we can drop the thread if you don't want that done to your muse. I will however, warn you what Persephone is going to do before I post the reply. While Persephone is not all-knowing, she as a goddess she has access to more information than mortals. Please let me know if this discomforts you; I am more than happy to plot something out.
7. My name is Jackee and I only bite if asked. I'm twenty-one and have been writing Persephone on and off since 2014 on another blog. I have a google doc available with a more in depth look into which verison/combination of myths I use as canon to my Persephone, as well as a longer version of my rules there if you're interested.
verses
- MAIN.
- AU.
- GROUP.
-
💀. ɢʀᴇᴇᴋ ᴡᴏʀsʜɪᴘ ; ( 🌸 main. )
This verse follows the myth of Persephone and Hades, if a bit into the future. She adores both her mother and her husband, and will often slip out when she's supposed to be Above to visit her husband. When in the Underworld, she will go Above to see her mother, though not often, because she thinks Demeter will begin to suspect that she also does it during the warmer months. While her visits to the Underworld are secret for fear of her mother's wrath, as Queen of the Underworld, she is free to do what she wants, when she wants it. Persephone cares deeply for her kingdom and her subjects, but she is not afraid in any way to strike fear into them when needed. She is Iron Queen, Dread Queen.
💀. sᴘʀɪɴɢᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴘᴜʀɪᴛʏ ; ( 🌸 innocence incarnate. )
This verse is before her kidnapping and marriage. Persephone does not exist; there is no Underworld Queen. She goes only by Kore. The goddess of spring and rebirth, but she is not yet Queen. Instead she is her mother's handmaiden, a minor goddess. She struggles with her personality, darker than what she thinks a springtime goddess should be, but has a strong control on her darker thoughts, and is careful not to voice them. She is kind, she is sweet, she is beautiful; spring in its purest form. Although Kore is a virgin, she's being courted by Apollo, Ares, Hephaestus, and Hermes, in what she considers good fun. Her closest friends are Aprhodite, Athena, and Artemis. -
💀. ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀɴɪᴛʏ ; ( 🌸 present times. )
Though no longer as widely worshipped, Persephone is still tied to her six months both on Earth and in the Underworld. She laughs, just a bit, at all the different religions, but she will not correct them; the gods will punish them in due time, and their lack of coins between their teeth will stop them from ever reaching the Underworld, though often she feels bad for them and, as Queen of the Underworld, lets them through regardless. Those in Christian religions and extensions of it regard her as Lilith, wife to Lucifer. She is quick to correct them. In the Underworld she goes only by Persephone, and those who call her Lilith will regret it, as will those who call her husband Lucifer, Satan, or the Devil. They are gods, not demons.Above she continues to bring spring and grow her flowers. As a goddess she is perpetually unemployed, wandering wherever she may please, though more often by her mother's side. She is unafraid to call herself both Kore and Persephone, though occasionally introduces herself as Stephanie, because the looks of shock and disbelief, one that she knows means the humans think her insane, irritates her.
💀. ᴘᴜʙʟɪᴄ ʀᴏʏᴀʟᴛʏ ; ( 🌸 godly celebrity. )
The gods have come out to mortals as real. They are public figures who hold press conferences and interviews. They willingly preform miracles for fun on TV. People doubted them at first, as the world was largely christian, but after 90 years of not aging, people started to believe and pray to them and ask the questions during conferences. -
💀. ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ʀᴜʟᴇ ; ( 🌸 all queen. )<
This is based on a group verse from a very, very long time ago, which I am more than willing to revive if there is interest.Some time after its beginning, the gods created mankind, and allowed the species to live upon the Earth. Epimetheus gave beauty and agility to beasts, leaving humans defenseless. Prometheus stole reason and fire from the gods, thus angering Zeus. The King of Gods punished Prometheus, chaining him to a rock. Eagles feasted upon Prometheus’ liver, and since Prometheus was a god, it continued to regrow in an endless, painful punishment. He would only be freed if Prometheus, God of Forethought, revealed to Zeus which of his children would overthrow him.
Prometheus did not speak, though eventually Zeus’ demigod son, Hercules, freed him from his pain. The god knew, of course, knew who would overthrow the King. Most assumed it would be Ares, God of War. Still, since Prometheus would not say, the subject soon died. Zeus ruled; he had children and often forgot them. If he did not forget them, they were underestimated. Truly, who would have guessed that Goddess of Spring, of chirping birds and blossoming flowers, forgotten wayward child, would be the one to ignite a rebellion? Who would have guessed that Hades, freed by his younger brother, would follow his wife’s rage-fueled words?
Hades, cast to the darkness of the Underworld. Persephone, underestimated and forgotten. Rulers of the Dead. Too lightly taken, too easily forgotten. Respected by those who knew their true power, ignored and disrespected by those Zeus’ kingdom. With the power of their dead and the gods who lived Underworld. They raged war, and won.
Hades: King of Gods and of the Dead. Persephone: Queen of Gods and of the Dead. Zeus: Chained as he had Prometheus.
the silver over which he rules.
Mother, he stares at me as if I am,
more fearsome than all the creatures,
in his kingdom.
Mother, he worships me as if I am the,
only goddess he knows.
Mother, he holds me as if I am fragile,
but kisses me as if I am stronger than,
Atlas himself.
Mother, his eyes are precious stones,
I fear they’re worth more than all my,
flowers Above.
Mother, his rare smile shines brighter,
than Apollo’s sun.
Mother, he tells me I am a queen and,
places a crown of flowers and iron and,
bones upon my head.
Mother, his laughter is water and I am,
the thirstiest I have ever been.
Mother, his touch is golden and I am,
rich.
Mother, his anger shakes our kingdom,
whole and thrills my very bones.
Mother, he tells me rage is natural and,
takes me to his Fields of Punishment to,
scream it away.
Mother, he’s shown me even the dead,
can bleed and given me control of,
justice.
Mother, he’s watched me rip limbs from,
the dead and kissed the blood from my,
fingers and still found me beautiful.
Mother, his skin is ice and I am melting it.,
Mother, he is a maze and I have lost,
myself in him.
goddess spring and rebirth
Independent Queen Persephone, Goddess of Spring and Rebirth, Necromancy and Ghostly Visits. Semi-private; semi-active; selective.
Myth basted, neither Percy Jackson nor Lore Olympus related.
Written by Jackee. Established July 30th, 2014, revamped August 27th. Previously nonvictimam.